It’s amazing how much words can affect us… This week I felt that a combination of words, and lack of words, directed at me, put me into a bad/sad/depressed mood.
I’m supposed to be knuckling down and studying for my supplementary Moore College Biblical Theology exam which happens tomorrow. I had envisioned using Monday and Tuesday nights, and Saturday to study, but my mood just didn’t help at all…. It also kept me from growth group…
Thursday night was my first class of the semester of Church History of Moore College, taught by Andrew Ford. We only had a total of 5 people in our evening class, which was a bit sad, but the content of the course looks exciting: Early church history, from AD70 to AD451; finishing up with the Council of Chalcedon. The 3 hours of lectures were just a basic intro to church history, introducing us to some of the important names, places, movements, looking at the reasons and landscape of church history studied at Moore.
Friday at work ramped up to be quite busy… It started out nicely slow, which is always welcome on a Friday morning, but people kept on coming in with more and more requests. The continued rain meant that touch was off, so I worked through until SALT. It was the first week back, so everyone was pretty keen to catch up and chat with each other. Mike started a series called God is Enough focusing on the Psalms. Post SALT whilst people were still chatting and catching up, I ran around and did a whole heap of packing up. I know it’s not really a responsibility of mine, it’s more of a task for the leaders, but I serve in whatever capacity I can. I feel like I have to do it, because if I don’t then it’ll get lumped onto Mike, but I don’t feel happy doing it, or find joy in doing it..
We had a whole bunch of people back at The Flat to watch the tour as well. I got in early and got a couch position, but as the night went on and more and more people continued to show up, up to around 25 people, and people were talking, I felt really really alone. There was no one talking to me, and any or most things that I said went unnoticed. At one point when Voeckler lost the yellow jersey to Andy Schleck, he smashed his water bottle on the ground. I was holding a glass in my hand and was actually really really tempted to do the same, just to grab some attention. Instead I packed up my stuff and retreated to my room. I’m not sure whether that went unnoticed or not.
Saturday was meant to be a study day, but again, mood was absolutely rubbish after Friday night, so I was in and out of sleep for pretty much the whole day. Being emotionally high strung is really really tiring. I never realised this fact… After cooking some spaghetti bolognaise for dinner and watching some anime on tvs it was tour time. It was pretty good to see Cadel win, but again it was incommunicado with me, and afterwards when I was keen to get to sleep, there was plenty of cries and screams coming from the living room thanks to Bomberman, which was not helpful for sleeping.
This morning after fiddling with my computers; installing OS X Lion onto Magnetic Mac, I went around to The Everett’s place for lunch and a SALT Executive meeting to start looking at our annual camp: AWESOME. We brainstormed a whole bunch of ideas, and it’s looking like a good year. At graceat6 tonight I got a few good chats with some people which were really helpful, because I was open and honest with them. One of our mission statements is real with each other, but it is hard to be real with people there because they don’t seem to care, or they already have people they’re involved with. As much as we want people to be real with each other, we need people to be ready and willing to be invested in and with each other. We seem to rush to the same people, the same groups and aren’t open to everyone…
Gary spoke tonight from 1 Kings 1 & 2. It was a long haul through the two chapters in which we see a family feud over King David’s throne, where Solomon wins out despite no real action to put himself on the throne, rather, it is God who acts to put Solomon there. So we also need to submit to God and live under His rule and protection.
I hope and pray that this emotional slump is over. For those that have been and are praying for me, thank you!!